A hole in my heart

My great-aunt Joan Williams died this evening of an apparent sudden heart attack. She's pictured here in 2006 helping Jack peel some boiled eggs at her home in Austin, Nev. that she shares with my Uncle Poncho. Her impact in my life was profound. Her unconditional love, love of God and ability to listen were wells from which I drew strength more often than I can say. She was a woman who gave strong hugs, who had a cheerful demeanor, a love of fashion and a love of jewelry that might just border on obsession. She was a busy body who's concern for others could make her seem overbearing, but in truth, it was just her way of trying to make things right in the world. A mother of two boys, grandmother to seven, aunt to many, loved by all.

I can't even begin to jot down the stories of my life with her in it. I think of her and I see Puppy the Chihuahua, Buick vehicles, Siamese cats, JEWELRY, the forever diet, my first trip to Lake Tahoe, staying at their house before my first night in my new college apartment and she and Poncho insisting on taking their old TV so I wouldn't be lonely. Black pearl graduation gifts from 8th grade on. Sleepovers during basketball tournaments in Smith Valley. Late night visits. Perfect nails. Loving family history. The coffee ladies. My family churchgoing buddy. Piano. Her great pride in being taller than me sitting down.

Oh, there are so, so many things. It makes me cry to sit and think of all the moments we had together, and how living across the country tempered the contact.

But here is something I know: "And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy." Doctrine & Covenants 130:2

I will miss you more than you know, Auntie Joan. Godspeed.

A genuinely marvelous day

And you thought your house was a mess. Happy children, happy day and I have a bright orange, waterproof hunting coat to call my own. (And a bread machine, he didn't totally go off the deep end.)

I'm not sure what made this maybe my best Christmas ever. I just know that as I sit here tonight, I am happy. I'm not sure if that has to do with brainwashing my kids over the last month into repeating the angel's praise to the shepherds, "Peace on earth, good will to men!" Or their random attachment to the not-quite popular Christmas hymn, "Far, far away on Judea's plain" which they and sang to me-- while giggling -- on their way to bed tonight, their not quite in tune "Glory to God!" mingled with the "tee-hees" of a happy day. I'm not sure if it was the week I spent preparing for the day, up well past midnight to make sure things were clean and tidy, presents wrapped, dinner prepared. I just know that today was magical. Every part of the busy last two days went smoothly, from getting to the city in time for the annual radio show, to the kids actually enjoying their radio time and not melting down, to getting ready for Santa, to making sure I could put Christmas lunch on the table at 1 p.m. to help the older kids meet their other obligations. The exhaustion was worthwhile, the joy genuine, the gifts loved, the feeling of giving priceless. The happy relief of a successful and wonderful day is met with a great desire for sleep...but also to sit, crochet and watch "The Christmas Story" for the first time. I know, I know...but it's on the DVR and that's where I'm headed now. Cozy fire, the vestiges of presents still strewn about. The love of our Savior in my heart. Joy to the world, indeed. "Let every heart prepare Him room!" Merry Christmas!

Favorite toys I would recommend for your next birthday/Christmas:

Robbie is hard to shop for. However, the little ball popper thing has been a source of amusement for all my kids all day. Unlike most ball spinner thingies you can take the balls in or out. you can watch the balls go around or open the door and let them fly. Seriously. All of them. All day.

Jack: The Bat Cave by Imaginext. Finally a toy that doesn't break in the first five minutes. Solid plastic, a million different little cool "look what this does" parts...an elevator, windows that open the works! Batman, Robin and the Batcycle. All of them loving on it all day!

Ellie is so smitten by the jewelry box with the traditional ballerina dancing to "Swan Lake" she made short work of finding every piece of jewelry or other treasure she had and then carting the box around all day (wearing a Cinderella costume...). Jack was so taken by Ellie's adoration of the box, he asked if he could keep some of his "collections" in it. Jack's "collections" are mostly comprised of rocks, twigs and dried leaves. I suggested we find him his own box.

Victory was there for the taking...

...at least that's how Bob describes it. "It" being the fact that in less than a month, we managed to get Ellie weaned from her Binky and Robbie to sleep in his own crib. That's right, I bit the bullet and waited for the wailing, screaming and tantruming to begin at bedtime three nights ago. That lasted for less than 2 minutes and he hasn't seemed to care a bit since. I was hesitant to declare victory, but it's been three days and the kid even took a NAP in there today without a fuss. If I had only known how easy this all would be...

Tales of a housewife #1

There are times when no matter how badly you want to sort the laundry piled on the living room floor, you will just have to stop and clean out the refrigerator and put an end to the mystery smell that has plagued the house for a couple days. These are the times, indeed, that try a (wo)man's soul.

Things I'm mulling over...

(at left, Robbie and I in Utah at BYU...I swear at some point, I will post pictures from that trip...)

1. Why would I rather blog, read blogs or wander Facebook aimlessly than clean my house or do dishes, the ignoring of which leaves me up later than I need to be and makes me more exhausted than necessary? Furthermore, what do I need to do to get my favorite people to update their blogs more regularly? On this point, I thank Emily and Natalie for giving me something to regularly stalk.

2. When will night after night after night after night of hunger convince my children that they should just EAT DINNER? Seriously. If I were the type of mother that gave them snacks before bed or caved to the whining and gave them a different dinner (which I have NEVER done) I'd get it. But I am as consistent as sunshine in the desert on this one: No eating=no dessert or snacks. And still, nightly I have to listen to MASSIVE whining at the table and then MASSIVE whines of "But I'm sooooo hungry!" It's getting pretty frustrating. Lately, (after reading "Parenting With Love and Logic") my response has been one of empathy and "I'm so sorry. I know what it feels like to be hungry. Maybe tomorrow you will decide to eat dinner." No. Doesn't work. Every night, even on nights when I make something they SHOULD like, the result is the same: no food in little Lonsberry stomachs. Tonight's rejection: Grilled cheese. Seriously, I can't win.


3. I get next to no time anymore to watch TV...we're talking Wednesday night when I fold laundry. So, what I choose to waste my time with is precious. And I know 98 % of my dozen readers will not care about this, so skip to #4. Anyway: WHY OH WHY Heroes are you messing with us? I don't even have time to go into all the things that annoy me about this season, but I will briefly hit on a few. A. I need Peter to have all his powers back. Otherwise, there is no balance to Sylar and he can't B. Bring Nathan back from the dead. Has everyone forgotten that Nathan "dies" every year and is saved by either Claire's blood or by Peter's blood because he has Claire's power? HELLO WRITERS! Why suddenly does this trick not work? C. Butterfly effect. Where is cool future Hiro with the samurai sword and scar trying very carefully to fix the past? Why is present Hiro wandering all over time, fiddling with things, and nothing in the future is really changing? D. Doesn't psycho Samuel realize that all he is doing is making a Sylar buffet? Finally, E. Where is Mohinder? And that's all I have to say about that.


4. I need to make more time for exercise. I am a nicer, happier human being when I do. In fact, after a particularly bad day of dealing with my own hormonal shifts, Jack looked at me and said, "Mommy, I think you need another run on the treadmill." He's right. I'm trapped in that cycle of exhaustion, busy, hard to find time to exercise, so I'm even more tired even though exercise would make me feel better...rinse, wash, repeat.

5. A story Ellie told me the other day, that has me wondering if I'm raising a little pack of story tellers: "I had a bad dream last night. I was snuggling with Blankie when I heard a noise outside. It was dark and creepy, but I got up and went out into the creepy night. I was very cold..." I think the story continued to spin and spin into something about a monster, but I just remember thinking she was using some pretty powerful descriptive words for someone who is not yet 3.

6. I spent $250 on Shutterfly Christmas presents this year so everyone better darn well like our Christmas card and any other thing they get with pictures of my children splattered across it.

7. I need to start letting Robbie cry it out in his crib. Neither Bob nor I actually care for our current co-sleeping arrangement with the Baldy Bed Hog, but neither of us care for the hours of screaming that come with the crib. (We are accidental co-sleepers...trust me...) Bob is in Utah this week and every day, I swear that this is the night it starts, this is the night that little Robert goes solo. I'm three nights in to caving to peace, stress free bedtimes and a cozy, warm bed buddy. ARGH!!! I need a backbone!

8. I have been singing the praises of JC Penny's lately. Seriously. I have had a nightmare time finding AFFORDABLE pants long enough for my blasted 36" inseam, especially ones that stay long enough after washing. Enter a helpful Facebook hint and the discovery of A.N.A long and EXTRA long pants and trousers. On sale for $25. I bought five different pairs and am seriously, loving life sans high waters. They make the pants in every length and in reviews, really short people praise the petites as being really short and tall people praise the talls for being really tall. LOVE IT!

(If you are male, stop reading here.)

9. PMS: I am opposed. (I suspect my husband and children agree.) That's all I have to say about that.

10. Seems like I should have 10 things to make a nice, rounded list, but really, I guess I just ought to go do dishes. Drat.